5 Things About Men on Dating Apps I Hate
Disclaimer: These are just my 2 cents. I am a nobody. A chronic single. So don’t get your panties in a bunch if there’s something in there you like. Or, if you’re a dude reading this: If there’s something in there you do. Just feel like sharing my frustration with the current online dating scene, from the POV of a straight female, that’s all. I’m just all the fake Cinderellas Tinderellas combined, trying real hard to force myself to fit into the glass shoe I’m being put on. (Not sure if this analogy worked but it did in my head so Idk, I’m leaving it in).
Their Emojis
One thing I hate about men on dating apps is their use of emojis.
Some of you may find this stupid, which I totally get, but I am not joking, I swear. There are only so many monkey-covering eyes emojis I can handle. Look. I use emojis, too. I love them. But, I use them sincerely. Also, I don’t overuse them. I’d rather unalive 💀🔫 myself than add 😄🙈😅 1-3 emojis after 😋✌️🤭 every 3 words I type. If you even use two of the emojis I did unironically all the time, you are dead to me. Seriously. Go ironical, or go home.
Once again, I totally get if some of you are like, “Wtf, it’s just emojis. Chill out.” I am not writing this to make you understand. I don’t care. I am writing for the sake of sharing and getting things off my chest. And if hating excessive emoji use is how I roll, so be it. I refuse to change my whole personality into this cute, happy-go-lucky persona with the intention to come across as non-intimidating and sweet to you. Because I KNOW some may interpret a lack of emojis as just that. But that’s BS.
I am not intimidating, I am sweet as sugar, I promise. All I’m saying is that I don’t need emojis to emphasize this. Bleh. Also, I hate the pressure of having to use emojis to appear expressive. My fooking face is expressive af already, okay. I am not going to find matching emojis to go along with how I feel.
Their Pictures
Another thing I hate about men on dating apps is their profile pictures.
Why are you pimping your dating profile with pics aimed to please the male gaze? Who are you tryna impress? Obviously the boys. Or maybe a car girl. But certainly not me. Hard. Swipe. Left.
Do you know who else gets a swipe left from me? The one where every picture is a group picture. It’s 2022, our attention spans are shorter than ever, do you honestly think I am in the mood to play “Guess Who?” with a stranger’s profile? Just piss right off, thank you.
When you decide which pictures to add to your profile, skip the ones you have with the Snapchat and IG beauty filters. Wait. Having these kinds of selfies on your phone in the first place is a red flag already. Don’t you dare use them, ever (unless it’s ironically ofc).
I love pretty makeup, I love smooth skin. I love staring at people in awe who wear it or have it. I love being complimented on my winged eyeliner, my thick brows, lashes, or whatever. I relish in all these things (so fetch!), coz who wouldn’t.
What I love even more though is FEELING pretty. Feeling confident and content with how my face looks beneath it all. This, I surprisingly do. I love the canvas that is my stupid silly face, in all its pimpled, blemished glory. This is why I am not succumbing to shitty filters that make my nose smaller, my jawline sharper, or my pores non-existent. If I see you, a 20 or 30 something man looking like someone who has the skin of an 11-year-old, with butterflies and hearts jumping out of your eyes or head, you’re done. You’re being swiped left on. Ba-bye.
Again, you may say, “Wtf, it’s just filters. Chill out.” No, it’s not. It’s more than that. It’s harmful and deceiving when it’s being used on platforms where people automatically judge you based on your physical appearance. Go catfish somewhere else, dude.
Their Words
What I also hate about men on datings apps are the words they decide to use.
Don’t come at me with that indirect, cryptic, and passive kind of communication. Don’t act like you’re ashamed to bring up the topic of sex after you did so intentionally. Don’t act like you’re the shit after bringing up a joke I’ve heard 10 times already on this godforsaken app. Don’t insult me, disguising it as “sarcasm” when half of you on this app don’t even know what sarcasm means, despite, according to your bio, being fluent in it. Don’t act like you know me after talking to me for a couple of minutes, saying “I can tell we would get along perfectly”. No, you can’t. You don’t know me (yet).
I am not a child you can impress by playing peek-a-boo right in front of its face. What I am impressed with however is authenticity, genuineness, and honesty. I prefer language that oozes of no-bullshit, so I’d love it if my potential match would practice the same.
Their Lack of Effort
You know what else I hate? The lack of effort men exhibit on datings apps.
Bruh, we all know the game by now. Don’t write “hey” and expect me to confess my love to you. Don’t have a bio that says “If you wanna know something, just ask” or even worse, an empty bio. Don’t expect me to carry the conversation the whole time. This should feel like playing ball! You can throw it too sometimes, you know.*
Their Audacity
Apparently I hate a lot of things, but there is nothing more I hate about men on dating apps than their audacity.
Listen. I don’t care if you’re the hottest dude I have ever laid eyes on. Or if you’re the nicest guy ever. You’re a man. I’m not. There’s no way I’m meeting you in a park, late at night, the minute we match. A) How about you reread chapter three and B) Creep, much? How long have you been on this earth? A part of society? What makes you think I’m gonna meet a stranger in the middle of the night, in this day and age? (Or oh well, any, really, but definitely not in this one. 🥴)
How about you put yourself in our shoes first? Try squeezing yourself into the Tinderella glass shoe for once. (Ugh, I still don’t know if this analogy works.) Must be hard never having to worry about your own safety, huh? N0T aLL MeN. Stfu pls. Sometimes it only takes one bad ingredient to spoil the whole dish. So maybe try to emphasize. Even a little. Show some decency, some patience, and respect. Thanks, dude.
Yikes, I sound like a man-hating, bitter POS. I should quit online dating altogether, shouldn’t I?? 🥵 I just can’t resist, it’s like an addiction by this point. Or worse, an ugly car crash you can’t look away from. Shiiiiet, I’m trying, I really am, but it’s hard.
*Notice how little effort I put into this chapter of my essay?