I am a woman of my word. Let’s put a positive spin on my blog post from last year! Surprisingly, this was easier than I thought.
It’s very… me-centered. Me me me. All about me. That’s what this blog is about, after all. Either way, I hope you can, or will, resonate with some of these feelings, too.
My most beloved feels this past year. Here they come.
1) Nonchalance
Fuck it, whatever, no ragrets, yolo. Insert any Idgaf response here.
This past year, I had “treat yo self” tattooed on my brain tissue. Plastered on every mental to-do list. Like a daily motivational booster.
I can, and I will.
Rules? My rules. No rules.
I need X. Let’s get Y. And Z on top of it.
Something was holding me back in the past. This year, something was pulling me forward. Or pushing me from behind. I don’t know! Whatever it was, it made me let go of (some of) my “let’s leave the good dishware for a special occasion” mentality, if you get what I mean. I wanted to break the dishware, preferably all at once. And it felt deliberating. Rewarding.
2) Disbelief
You don’t say?
In 2022, I was shook. Many times. Plenty of times. I was in awe of so many things that had happened. The number one word I had used in my good ol’ pen and paper diary was “surreal”.
2022 was surreal. A fast-paced lightning bolt hitting me with stuff from left and right, leaving me in disbelief. And I thoroughly enjoyed that sensation.
3) Comfort
This year felt like I was sitting in an adjustable, heavily cushioned sofa chair with back, leg, and arm support all at once, along with a remote. And I was holding it.
I’ve felt comfort in my strengths and abilities. I’ve felt comfort in crying. In expressing myself with (even if it was only a couple of) words. I’ve felt comfort in depending on myself, but also on someone other than myself.
4) Relief
2022 was like a sigh, but with a smile.
Unable to catch my breath in the past, this year has felt like I can finally breathe again. A fresh breath of air.
5 Peace
Peace, at last. Or momentarily, at least.*
Might be closely related to 3)? The key difference was that peace had that one extra layer to it for me.
Over the last year, there were instances where I felt at peace. Somehow. To an extent. It almost felt, or feels, like boredom. Still debating whether these two are interrelated. But it’s like, a good kind of boredom. It feels divine.
*Just because I had fav feelings in 2022, doesn’t mean I didn’t also have my most hated feelings in 2022. The worst one by far this year was the “waiting for the other shoe to drop” feeling. I was, and still am, looking for trouble where there isn’t any. Watching my back but only staring at a mirrored image of myself. But it’s what’s pushing me to move forward, I think..? I don’t want to end this post on a negative note, ugh, so let’s say that’s another, somewhat good, feeling. A favorite feeling in disguise.