Why I Am Here Or, How I FINALLY Ended up Here.
Hi there. My name is Nika Bura and I’m a storyteller.1
Lol, that was a cringe thing to say. Anyway, moving on. You probably do not wonder who the fuck I am or what I am doing here, but I will tell you anyway.
It took a pandemic to make me create a blog. I’ve been thinking about getting one for 8+ years I believe, but to tell the truth, I’ve always been reluctant. Why? Because I’m not good enough (ugh so cliché, I know. I am gagging as I type this trust me).
First of all, I’m not an eloquent writer, I don’t know how to spread good vibes or how to give you your daily dose of inspirational quotes or whatever. Also, there isn’t really a subject I am that knowledgeable on, so I cannot teach you things. More than often, I use the wrong words, jump from one thought to the next in the most incoherent way, and my grammar might be tragic at times. On top of it all, I also suffer from this syndrome where I am convinced that I am funnier than I actually am. But, I write, so I am a writer, right?
Whether it’s an Instagram caption, a to-do message on my notes app, or vomiting my emotions out to a friend via text, I am writing. ALL. THE. TIME.
Also, I realized I may or may not be addicted to instastories..?! The emphasis here truly being on STORIES. It’s hard to keep count but I get like 2-3 face with tears of joy emojis as a direct response to my stories maybe like, once a month.
This leads me to believe that I must be doing something right if there are actually breathing humans out there who get a laugh out of my tales every once in a while. You know what that means? I have a voice that deserves to be heard. In fact, everyone does. The only problem is that not everyone has the courage to admit it. COVID-19 made me do it, yaaaass!
So yeah, my point is, in one way or another, I do tell stories, daily. Come to think of it, I have been writing “to myself” (or well, talking to myself) my whole life actually. So I figured, why not continue doing what I do best on a digital platform like this?
I will be completely honest and admit that I write for selfish reasons. I’m restless and on edge inside, more than I’d like to admit, but writing, for whatever reason, calms me down. Especially in times like these. So I guess it makes sense to say that the reason I write is because it makes me feel better, simple as that. I know this ain’t therapy but hey, it is pretty therapeutic.
Initially, I was thinking about keeping this blog a secret, not telling anyone about it. But ugh, I am so conflicted. On the one hand, I feel like I am super private and don’t want to share anything, ever. Hell, I even hated having people I know follow me on social media for the longest time.
On the other hand, however, I just feel it in bones? A sort of itch to share personal things? It’s like, there is this voice inside me (or wherever else it comes from, Idk) telling me, “This is it. This is what you have to do. This is your raison d’être.”
I don’t know how to label this blog exactly. What I will do with it. All I know is that while I don’t mind reading fiction, I have absolutely zero interest in writing it. I don’t care about made-up things, I want the real deal.2 I want to talk about something I know best, where I am the expert, not somebody else. (Or where I can at least pretend that I am. It’s not like anybody will be able to say otherwise right? Haha..)
After sleepless nights of pondering3, I realized this only leaves me with my personal life to talk about. Yep, this is what I thrive for.
So, right now, my mindset is gravitating more towards “eh whatever, just put yourself out there, who cares” rather than, “eeeeekk don’t follow me don’t read this I’m gonna shut this blog down asap.” (Yes I am a breathing paradox, I am aware, you don’t need to point this out.)
Are you still with me? I have spent more time on this post than I had originally planned, but oh hey, this is exactly the kind of thing you will get if you decide to stay here. If anyone reading this thinks I am likeable (lol), you are more than welcome to keep coming back (pls do, I don’t wanna continue talking to myself).
1 or a teller of tales, a narrator of narratives, an essayist of essays. BIG CRINGE.
2 what a cheesy line
3 jk, it only took me 5 secs
TL;DR I have always wanted to create a blog but was too scared until CoV-19 changed my mind.