Why Covid-19 Is Lit Or, An Assessment by a Privileged Nobody

First of all, before you get your panties in a twist, a pandemic is far from lit, I know. People are dying, losing their jobs, homes; we are surrounded by fear and uncertainty for who knows how long. I can only hope that by now everyone is well aware of the gravity of this crisis, along with its long-term consequences.

But this coronavirus is kinda lit. I will tell you why.

I admit, I am the first one to make fun of celebrities or influencers who are like, “Hey guys! Use this quarantine to netflix, paint, or get drunk because #selflove #stayathome. BUT, are they so wrong? Is it so bad to try and see some light amidst all of this? Take me, for example, a privileged nobody. I am relaxed as can be, I shit you not. I wasn’t like this the first few days, immediately after our chancellor addressed the Cov-19 situation for the first time on TV. Yet, the more time I had to adapt to this new situation, the more have I realized how lit this coronavirus actually is (for me).

Lemme start at the beginning and pls allow me to be emotional for dramatic effect.

I don’t know about you but usually, I don’t follow the news obsessively. For the first couple of weeks following the lockdown announcement, however, I sure as hell was not able to ignore them. In fact, I have been checking the news 24/7, waiting to see the number of the infected rise by the day. (Lol, the infected, this sounds like I am talking about The Walking Dead).

Living in a multi-ethnic household only made matters worse. In order to stay up-to-date with all the statistics, we would constantly switch across news channels from three different countries. Not gonna lie, I think using the remote as much as I did lately gave me arthritis. “How many?”, my mom would ask daily. Eventually, I lost count of that number.

I was doing pretty okay considering the circumstances, but the day an earthquake hit Zagreb, I kinda lost it. Before, I was in a trance-like state almost but suddenly, them feels hit me. I remember the moment so vividly. We were watching the news around noon where a Croatian channel showed live footage of the city from that morning, with the sound off. My parents and I were gathered around our dinning table, eating chicken soup (mmh my mom makes great chicken soup btw). Boom, next moment, tears are strolling down my face. I’m reliving that scene right now as I type. Please picture it, it seems so comical, but it felt far from it.

It was all bottled up inside mixed together like mashed potato. But now I felt like I was hit with millions of thoughts and feelings all trying to compete with each other on who gets to express themselves first. I was slightly overwhelmed, to say the least. And what do I do in moments like these? CRY! So I did! Crying relieves stress for me. 60% of the time, it works, every time.

Out of nowhere, I felt ashamed and grateful for having food on my table, a roof over my head, while some people suddenly had none of that, from one second to the next. Our governments have been telling us to stay home, where we are safe, and within seconds, you’re telling me, there are thousands of people who have nowhere to go now? You could say that was the final straw for me. From that point on, I had to take a step back and actively stop myself from checking the goddamn news all the time.

Alright this part was super depressing and I genuinely have to cringe at the fact that I am delivering my vulnerability to the internet on a plater like that, but I had to get that off my chest first. I cannot stress enough that I write to make me feel better; and awkward humor, next to writing, helps me to process tragedies. (Preferably, both combined). This is why I don’t want to make this blog entry any more bleak-sounding than it already is.

What I want to do instead for the remainder of this post is to finally tell you why CoV-19 is a good thing.

Yes, you’ve heard me right. It may not seem like it right now, but this coronavirus is not only a curse, it’s also a blessing. Covid-19 is a blessing in disguise, that’s what it is. Obviously, if you could not tell by now, I will talk about this from my perspective since that is the only one I am allowed to speak from, so here we go.

This pandemic has forced me to look at things through a different lens. This is actually something I suggest everyone tries to do every once in a while. Wow I know, I always roll my eyes when people say something like that, or are like, “COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS DAILY, GUYS!” But holy shit, that’s kind of what I did lately?

I will count my fucking blessings now, literally.

It seems more than likely that I am about to lose my job, but I am privileged enough not to depend on it for my existence. I cannot attend university but I am lucky enough that I can write my Master’s thesis from home (if only the motivation would kick in).

Moreover, I am lucky as hell to spend this quarantine within a place that is safe and warm. And although it’s myself who has to cook every now and then (coz I’m a terrible cook), I am thankful to have food on my table to fill my belly.

Not gonna lie, I am also relieved I have access to the internet so I can reduce all the belly fat (if only the motivation would kick in here, too). Shoutout to all the fitness youtubers at this point, your service is more than needed right now.

Apart from forcing me to put my life in perspective, why else is this coronavirus so goddamn lit?

Sometimes I think I try to give people the impression that I am the triple C’s: Cool, calm, and collected. However, I am pretty sure people see through my shit because I’m none of those things. If you believe I am all of those things, do we even know each other? I’ve been anxious all my life.

When I was in elementary school and my mom would not pick up her phone, I instantly assumed she got killed in a car accident. When I saw a shadow on my bedroom wall, I thought it was some stranger trying to kill me. (Turns out, the trees outside were casting shadows on my wall, duh.)

I am almost embarrassed to admit that this is the reason why I used to sleep with my arm covering up my eyes 97% of the time. (The fuck was my logic behind this anyway, if I can’t see him, he can’t kill me?)

Teenage-Me wasn’t any better. I felt stabs of anxiety whenever I had to talk to someone I wanted to impress. Then another couple of stabs more whenever I argued with friends, in fear of losing them. Looking back, I think that is why I was as quiet and shy as I was back then. I was just trying my hardest to avoid tripling my anxiety levels.

If you think I grew up to be a wonderful, laid back individual, think again. Fast-forward to my 20s, or more precisely, 2020. Today, the thought of what I even want to do with my life gives me pain. LITERAL pain. Take your pick: headaches, stomach pain, pain all over random parts of my body. Or maybe this is all just from getting old, not entirely sure.

Writing all of this down, I actually think I had an eighth diapers crisis, before I had a quarter life crisis. I am not sure if I want to imagine myself at my midlife crisis, but oh boy I cannot wait. 

This was only a brief excerpt of an endless list of worries, courtesy of Nika Bura. I am aware and sorry that I have been rambling on and on. 

By this point, you may ask yourself “What the hell does that have to do with the coronavirus? (Or with anything, really.) Who are you, and why am I reading all of this self-centered nonsense by this privileged, know-it-all nobody in the first place?”

My point is, I’ve been anxious about the DUMBEST things, really. All my fucking life. In my mind, I always knew most of my worries were irrational, or temporary, but still. They were MY worries. But when a pandemic hits you out of nowhere¹, you can be anxious, right? After the initial shock of it all has passed after a couple or so days, I was… not anxious.

Wait what? (You thought I was gonna tell you I am super anxious now weren’t you, lol gotcha). Does not being anxious about this coronavirus count as irrational behavior on my part now? I don’t know, all I know is that I’ve been longing for peace and calmness within me for years.  And now, it seems like I’ve finally got it, amidst the craziest circumstances. I hope this mindset will stay with me for a little longer (preferably forever, fingers crossed).

What I am trying to say is that this crisis cannot be for nothing, right?! There has to be some good that comes out of this. Even if it’s only, as in my case, just a little sense of peace in your tiny anxious heart.² I know it sounds cheesy as fuck, but I am hopeful right now that things will be better for everyone in one way or another.

¹ Or well, almost. We knew about China but, you know, pretended like it wasn’t a big deal, we dipshits.

² Alright, THAT sentence was corny as hell but I am rolling with it and you should too.