Before I start, I need to clarify that I have noticed a pattern in my writing over the years: I almost exclusively ONLY write about negative experiences (or good things that originally stemmed from something negative). I notice this in particular when I take a look at my diaries and journals; all of them have huge gaps when nothing dramatic has happened to me.¹

As corny as it sounds, it’s only when I feel battered that I feel inspired to pick up my pen (or hammer away into my keyboard). However, due to circumstances relating to the coronavirus outbreak, I have decided to switch it up. I am about to do something I have never done before. Because damn, I just need a little light and a shitton of laughter right now. Heads up: This one is gonna be cryptic, weird and chaotic. And as anything I do, cringey af. I know it won’t make any sense to you, but it certainly will to me.

Without further ado, here is the ode to better times, aka my childhood.

Stuck in the corner, between fridge and kitchen door. Strawberry circle, tracksuit sweater. How come you have not yelled at me yet? Spaghetti Tuesdays, rainy watermelons, a dick move, but what a fun day. Up high, shielded, and God knows how many cocktail tomatoes. The best rendition of Styrian folklore tunes. My neighbor was delighted (no sarcasm, she truly was).

Brian, the real MVP. Thank you for everything. Tonči et al, Zaton in August je zakon. Running through dim-lit halls, screaming and crying. That’s what you get for criticizing someone’s food like that. Shoes too big for me. Stairs. Construction site. Hey suit lady, where’s Dad?

I love you, scoot. Hitting my ankle over and over again was so worth it. I love you, violet, the one with the (baywatch?) sticker. May you rest in peace wherever those goddamn bastards kidnapped you to. Shoutout to all my happy meal and fluffy toys, but also my barbie dolls, especially the tomboy one. I always knew why I liked you the most.

Rest in peace, Raphael. My first and last. Winters are hard, man. I am sorry you had to go like that. Hope you still have the chance to swim in lavatories.

To my first, second, and third crush. Thank you for always being there for me after school. Nothing made me happier than to stare at you through that screen. To my favorite duck, you know you were and still are my hero, that mouse was a snoozefest. Full House and Beyond Belief, the kind of re-runs I never got bored of.

73/3/10. Blue couch, gray computer. Door key I hated, posters I loved.

Twins. Sporadical. Laughter. Weird nicknames. Cuddles.

Oldie. Bike rides and butter sandwiches, I think you were my favorite.

Soletti. Almost cut my pinky finger off, but I liked you too.

Fatty gum. Gave me PTSD from The Bold and The Beautiful, but also gave me Super Mario.

Glasses. Red, loud, obnoxious. Not sure there are any words that would do you justice.

This was it, the ode to my childhood. Wishing I’d be back, if only I could.

¹ My life has been uneventful for 90% of the time so I honestly don’t know how many essays I can actually come up with on this blog tbh, if I keep following the negative route.