I’m sorry, Potential, but I’m Seeing Other Coping Mechanisms

Nika

aka, it’s not you, it’s my lack of energy.
Originally published on nikaburali.substack.com (February 05, 2026)

I have to tell you something. I stopped journaling. I broke up with my potential. It just wasn’t working out anymore. (Actually, we never formally broke up, I just ghosted him). But hey. It truly was one of those, it’s not you, it’s me moments. I found someone else who gets me.

Laziness. He treats me so well. Like, he’s there for me, blankets, snacks, TikTok, Netflix. Carbs. All of it. He’s like a warm, fuzzy, big old hug. And the best of it all? There’s zero judgment. For example, he let’s me take a nap for however long I want. Doesn’t care if I come home from work and do nothing but bedrot. Speaking of beds, he doesn’t mind if I spill things or get food crumbs on the bed, either. Isn’t that amazing? Tell me that’s not amazing.

Sometimes, I’m afraid he might be gaslighting me into never doing anything productive ever again, though. Ocasionally I’m like, let’s do adult things, and he’s like, ok, just one more episode. And then I just give in. Is this bad? Am I in a toxic relationship? Should I break it off? But he makes me feel so good! Ugh. There are moments where I do feel bad for not using my creative potential to its fullest, or like, even to its quarter, yet sometimes I don’t. It’s just what I need. It’s what I’ve needed for weeks now, months. Perhaps years. I just never got around to do it.

I used to think rest meant wasting time. Now I think it’s just me finally catching up with myself. Does this make sense? Ok, hear me out. Maybe (just maybe), potential isn’t something you chase, but something that waits for you to come back whenever you’re ready. I know potential always has my back. Maybe we’ve always been bffs? Soulmates. Aww. Wait, why is my screen blurry?

What if this is what healing looks like? No growth, aha moments, performative bs, just the permission to.. not, for once. You feel me? Maybe I’ll journal again one day. But for now, I’ll let laziness be my situationship. He may not be perfect, but he’s harmless. Mostly. And pretty cute so ehh, whatever.


P.S. I have thought about cheating, or even discussing an open relationship and mingling with potential and laziness at the same time but I don’t see how that could possibly work out so I ditched that idea right away.