Everything You Wanted to Know About (Online) Dating But Were Too Afraid to Ask

 

Step 1: The Dating Profile

How Should a Female’s Dating Profile Look Like? Show your goodies.

How Should a Male’s Dating Profile Look Like? Show your goodies. 

What Should You Write In Your Dating Bio? Nothing. Leave it empty.

Jk. Show some personality. Some wit. Don’t ask me how though.

 

Step 2: The First Date

Who Messages First? Obviously the guy.  Women are only there to look pretty and be entertained.

Who Asks Out on the Date First? Obviously the guy.  Women are meant to wait. 

Who Plans the Date? Obviously the guy. Women are meant to enjoy only.

Who Pays on the First Date? Obviously the guy. Women are meant to be showered in money. To bathe in materialism.

Who Pays on the Second and Third Date, and Thereafter? Obviously the guy.  The woman isn’t supposed to pay a dime, ever.

Jk. Fuck arbitrary  rules. Go with your gut.

 

Step 3: The Aftermath of the First Date

Who Texts First? Obviously the guy. Women are meant to  stare at their phone, waiting to be texted, all while acting disinterested.

How Long To Wait Inbetween Texts? A minimum of 3-4 hours. Or better yet, leave the person on read/seen and add yet another 3-4 hours before you reply.

What About Double Texting? Women can under no circumstances double text. It makes them look desperate.

Who Asks for a Second Date? Obviously the guy. Women should only worry about their hair, makeup and outfit for that day.

When Do You Ask for a Second Date? Whatever you do, do not ask during the first date. Or the day after. Wait 2-3 days at least.

Jk. Once again, fuck arbitrary rules and go with your gut.

 

Step 4: The Dumping

If I Don’t Like Them, What Should I Tell Them? Nothing. Be a bird. Fly away. Be a ghost. Ghost them. Whatever you do, don’t tell the truth.

Jk. Be decent. 

 

Alternative Step 4: The Happily Ever After

How the f*ck do you get to that part? Brb, working on it.