On How (Not) to Handle Stress

What is stress?

I’m sure we all know but let’s bring it back to our minds just to be safe:

“In a medical or biological context stress is a physical, mental, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension.” (medicinet.com)

Btw, I copy-pasted the first definition I saw. 

Ok, I think we all remember now.

How I handle stress.

I vent.

I share it with someone. Friend. Mom. Plant. Spatula. I have a speech with myself in my own head.

Sometimes it’s 2-3 of the above, combined. Other times, it is all of the above.

The content of my venting ranges from panicking, overthinking, and rationalizing the situation. Often all in one sentence lol. Eventually I’m like, oh haha nvm, I got this. However, me saying this does not change the fact that I remain just as anxious on the inside.

So how, then, does that anxiety manifest itself elsewhere?

My stomach starts hating me.

It ain’t cramps. Nor is it hunger. Only this random feeling where all your intestines give each other a big ol’ hug, one that lasts forever, with that extra squeeze at the end.

I overdose on coffee.

I had my usual two, then another three stress-induced cups of said elixir of life, after I received some stressful news¹ that freaked me the fuck out. Drinking more coffee only exacerbates my restlessness, which is why I genuinely do not know why the fuck I keep feeding my anxiety like this. It’s almost like, prior the caffeine intake, my anxiety is a fresh out of the womb, grandpa-looking, fugly newborn. But after the caffeine, it suddenly turns into this boy who has hit puberty; armpit, chest and pubic hair included. A misbehaved teenage boy who burps and farts whenever he pleases.

I cry.

Sometimes, not always. I didn’t cry this time so yay, me! Unlike in other scenarios.

I stay up all night.

Now, this may or may not be because of the caffeine overdose. Still unable to tell. Because sometimes, I have days where I drink coffee rather late, yet still sleep like a baby. Then again, I’m not drinking like 5+ cups on those days, either.

I thrive.

LOL. That is the best-case scenario. I thrive but like, not the second I become aware that I am stressed. I need time to adjust.

I write.

Duh. How the fuck do you think this post was born? I literally wrote it a couple hours after stress hit me out of nowhere. To give you a clearer illustration: I wrote 90% of this article on my notes app on my phone at 1 am, imagining that by doing so, I am typing away my troubles into oblivion, as if they don’t exist.

Hah funny, writing actually has the potential to combine all of my stress responses aka its coping mechanisms. Because I was writing about what stressed me out late night, this made me unable to sleep. Writing about it, at the same time, enabled me to vent about it. Technically, I could have been drinking coffee during this writing session along with an ugly cry and stomach ulcer. Oh and I sure am thriving because my creative juices are flowing once again. Case in point: you are reading it right now. A new blogpost.

How you should handle stress.

Not like me.

Like me.

Or hey, you know how?

However the fuck you want.

However you deem necessary.

That’s my deep and insightful answer. That is what I want you to take away from this article.

However you damn please. Well almost, don’ttake it as a literal suggestion. Pls don’t run off to kill a puppy as a way to cope with stress.

It somehow rubs me the wrong way when I am stressed out, and someone tells me: Don’t stress it. There’s nothing you can do about it.

Thanks Karen, I know there’s nothing I can do about it, that is precisely why I am feeling this sense of dread in the first place. That’s not what I want to hear.

I would tell a stressed person the following: Hey dude, it’s ok to be stressed. Don’t stress it. Don’t stress being stressed. Allow yourself to feel the stress. Give it permission to overcome your whole body, like a big ass whale eating you alive. Eating you whole. In one swallow. Feel that stress. Let it consume you. But only for a short while. Respond to that shit however you like. AND THEN ACT.

That is when the whale’s mouth opens and it’s time for you to jump out.

There’s no right or wrong way on how to handle stress, IMO. Like Karen said, There’s nothing you can do about it. Homegirl is right. No matter what, you can’t change it anyway. Just do the best you can. Take it one day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. One sec- ok you get my point. Allow yourself to freak out in whatever way you need to get all the overwhelming emotions out of your system.

Once you pass that initial shock reaction, your brain is ready to make decisions again, yay! Congrats, you’re (somewhat) rational now. I don’t have a scientific source to back me up here², but that is what always happens to me, and I am sure that’s probably what happens to all of us. Feel free to send me some neurological statistics to confirm or deny this. Leave a comment, perhaps with a link, below.

All jokes³ aside, will you please tell me how to handle stress, for real?

I don’t know man, just ride it out. Or stick with my whale analogy, relax on the whale’s tongue. Until you get a chance to escape. Maybe have a cup of coffee. Or na better not.

PS. You do know I am “designing” all of my header images for each post myself, no? From concept to creation, it’s all me, baby. And today I am extra proud of the one I created for this post. Because it’s just a classic Nika joke, innit. At least that’s what I thought when I came up with it. I may even go as far as to say that this may be my best image so far.

¹ I know I am an open book on here usually, but I am literally writing this as it happened to me, so I’m still processing what has happened and can’t really talk about it directly yet, coz it ain’t over, you know. I am still in the middle of it. And I usually prefer to write about things once I have had enough time to reflect on it. I know I am being SO annoying by being SO vague right now. But no worries, it’s not a life or death kind of situation.

² and don’t have the time to find one bc I’m procrastinating rn, as I am supposed to be doing waaay more important things this very moment

³ and friggin’ whale stuff